walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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