Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
