my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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