You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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