ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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