Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
True college students do jello shots in the library
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