He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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