? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
