I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
