Got a toothbrush?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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