Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
