Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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