You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
People with herpes should wear stickers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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