so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
