the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
