Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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