I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
