her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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