I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
