I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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