1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
