Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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