There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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