i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
