Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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