break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
