Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
