Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
