why didn't you poke me back
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
