She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
