he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
