make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did I show you my penis last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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