I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
