Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
