She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
