Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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