This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
