"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize