I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
