My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
