Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
