Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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