dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
