...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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