What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
