I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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