i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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