6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
