How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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