So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
