fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
