my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
