I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
