You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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