Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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