if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Boobs speak an international language.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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