in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
