just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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