If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sarcasm needs its own font
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
