I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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