we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
