I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
