You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dignity is for republicans.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
