You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i now understand why vodka
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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