next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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