We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
