I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
