ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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