burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
