My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
