there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
