somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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