just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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