Your mouth is God's brothel.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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