i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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