The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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