Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
